In a forthcoming four-part documentary on Disney+, Ed Sheeran has opened up about the difficult year he faced in 2022.
The musician admitted that there was a point in time when he no longer wanted to live due to the trauma he experienced.
Sheeran revealed that he struggled to balance being a family man and one of the world’s biggest pop stars.
He and his wife Cherry Seaborn welcomed their first child, Lyra, in 2020 and had their second daughter, Jupiter, in 2022.
However, among the moments of joy, Sheeran faced heartache as well.
His best friend Jamal Edwards died suddenly of a cardiac arrhythmia caused by cocaine use, which left Sheeran devastated.
He credited Edwards with helping him launch his career through appearances on his influential YouTube channel SBTV and by giving him a place to stay in London when he had nowhere to go at 18.
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Sheeran recounted the night he learned of Edwards’ death.
He had been out to dinner with Taylor Swift and her boyfriend Joe Alwyn and had exchanged texts with Edwards about plans to shoot a video the following day.
“Twelve hours later, he was dead,” Sheeran said, tears welling up. “My best friend died. And he shouldn’t have done.”
The loss sent Sheeran into a spiral of depression that he had experienced before in school but had not yet addressed.
He also faced the stress of Seaborn being diagnosed with a tumour while six months pregnant with Jupiter.
Surgery was not possible until after she gave birth, but thankfully it was successful.
In addition, Sheeran found himself defending a plagiarism lawsuit over his hit song ‘Shape of You,’ which he ultimately won.
Shortly after Edwards’ death, another one of Sheeran’s friends, Australian cricket star Shane Warne, died tragically in early March.
“I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore,” Sheeran said. “And I have had that throughout my life…You’re under the waves drowning. You’re just sort of in this thing. And you can’t get out of it.”
The singer added that he felt ‘selfish’ for have these emotions, especially ‘as a father’, adding: “I feel really embarrassed about it.”
“No one really talks about their feelings where I come from,” Sheeran said.
“People think it’s weird getting a therapist in England.… I think it’s very helpful to be able to speak with someone and just vent and not feel guilty about venting. Obviously, like, I’ve lived a very privileged life. So my friends would always look at me like, ‘Oh, it’s not that bad.’”
Ed Sheeran: The Sum Of It All
premieres on Disney+ on 3 May.