In the ever-evolving lexicon of dating, a plethora of terms and labels describe various relationship behaviours. Among these are ghosting, where someone vanishes from another’s life without warning, and benching, where a person is kept as a backup while the other dates around. The abundance of these terms has led to the creation of glossaries outlining the best and worst dating practices. One such term gaining traction is ‘breadcrumbing’.
Despite its seemingly innocuous name, breadcrumbing can be quite detrimental. It involves leading someone on by offering small tidbits of hope or information about a potential relationship, without any real intention of pursuing it seriously.
The term is derived from the tale of Hansel and Gretel, who left breadcrumbs in the forest to find their way home, only to discover the crumbs led nowhere. Breadcrumbing can cause significant confusion, doubt, and trust issues for the person on the receiving end.
Dr. Cortney Warren spoke to Indy100 about the nature of breadcrumbing: “Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic that only benefits one party – the breadcrumber enjoys the romantic attention they receive from you without having to truly invest in the relationship in any real way, as a committed partner would.”
Identifying breadcrumbing can be challenging, as the breadcrumber often appears genuinely interested, creating a false sense of being on the same page. Dr. Warren highlighted some signs of being breadcrumbed: “They give you little text messages or you maybe met them a few times if you went on a couple of dates, and so they showed some interest, but now when you’re trying to get a hold of them or make a plan, they’re really noncommittal,” she explained.
“Or they only give you like a little emoji as opposed to like an actual direct response and so often for the person who is being breadcrumbed, they feel very confused.”
However, Dr. Warren also noted that breadcrumbing might not always be intentional. Factors like ill health or work stress can contribute to such behaviour. She emphasised the importance of communication in these situations: “And so that’s why having the conversation is so important because they might come back to you and say, ‘oh gosh, I am so sorry. I am so preoccupied with you know, this work project or a breakup that I’m going through that I just don’t have much energy and bandwidth to give back right now and it has nothing to do with you.'”
