In an incident that sounds like it was ripped straight from a script of the world’s most bizarre hidden camera show, a kilt-wearing gentleman in Texas has single-handedly redefined “antique shopping” in a way that would make even the most eccentric collectors blush. Mitchell Vest, a 60-year-old aficionado of both antiques and apparently unconventional storage methods, was caught on camera in a peculiar act of shopping at the Antique Gallery in Spring, Texas. The footage revealed Vest engaging in a rather intimate interaction with various items, including a makeup brush, a Restoration Hardware piece, an antique bottle opener, and a “tobacco tent can,” which he then, with all the nonchalance of a man simply browsing, returned to their shelves.
The gallery owner, Susan Golden, expressed her disbelief, stating that despite having witnessed many odd occurrences in her time, this was a premiere. She recounted needing to replay the footage just to confirm the reality of what she was seeing. The incident left her, and likely anyone privy to the story, at a loss for words.
This wasn’t a one-time performance art piece either. Vest, described as a 198cm, 250-pound kilt enthusiast known around the Houston suburb, had reportedly visited several shops in the area, leaving a trail of antique goods in need of, let’s say, thorough sanitization. Another victim of Vest’s unique brand of chaos was the Curiosity Shop, where owner Alisha Osborne reported similar findings.
Authorities at Harris County Constable Precinct 4 have since charged Vest with criminal mischief, initially holding him on a $100 bond. The items involved in the incident were either discarded or sanitized, according to the shop owners, due to the unfortunate addition of fecal matter.
It’s a tale that stretches the boundaries of the imagination, mixing elements of comedy, shock, and a dash of horror. While the antique community is known for its appreciation of the past, this is one piece of history they’re likely eager to leave behind. As for the rest of us, it’s a stark reminder that not all that glitters in antique shops is gold—sometimes, it’s just really, really not what you expect.
